


Strike a Match for Me

by Nellsie



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, M/M, Matchmaking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2018-12-31 20:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12140346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellsie/pseuds/Nellsie
Summary: Leon is a notorious matchmaker at his school, Erik is a reserved, somewhat strange guy who sits in the back of two of Leon's classes. Matthias wants Leon to find Erik a match.A story about dating, missed opportunities, and romantic optimism.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [egg_oeuf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/egg_oeuf/gifts).



> a belated birthday fic for my pal. if all goes as planned, i'll be updating every tuesday.

Leon is asked to help Erik Thomassen to find a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Or anyone.

 _“Please.”_   Matthias Andersen―resident loudmouth and unlikely friend of Erik―says, “Literally, I just want him to date _something._ For once I wanna hear him talk about an actual human being instead of taxidermy and shit.”

Leon, who was sitting at his homeroom desk, minding his own business, really should have better things to do than set up people he doesn’t know with hypothetical partners he doesn’t know, but he hears Matthias out.

“Uh-huh.” Leon looks up at Matthias, who stares back with owlish blue eyes. “Like, I get the desire and all to get your friend to stop talking about… taxidermy, but I don’t really do the matchmaking thing anymore―”

“Two-hundred dollars.”

“What the fuck.” Leon nearly falls off of his seat. “Two- _hundred_ dollars, just for setting up your weird friend with someone equally weird? Is that right?”

“Well I mean, the equally weird part is optional. Erik is his very own, unique form of weird and I think it’d be hard to find someone who compares, but yeah.” Matthias shrugs, “I got a ton of money from my last birthday party and I think it’d mean a lot to him because. Uh.”

“Uh.” Leon says.

“Well, see, I kinda got into a fight with him a while ago. I’ll spare you the details, but it wasn’t pretty, and I _really_ wanna make it up to him.” Matthias continues, “And I think the _best way_ to do that would be to get you to find him someone vaguely interested in cryptids and unsolved mysteries.”

Leon thinks about it.

On the one hand, he doesn’t do matchmaking anymore. He stopped once it began to feel like more of a chore than a fun way of spreading joy to desperate teenagers. It also began to get a bit depressing, setting up other people when Leon’s own romantic life was kind of dry and boring.

On the _other hand,_ Matthias is offering Leon two-hundred dollars for one matchmaking stint, and Leon has nothing better to do over the next few days, or weeks if it manages to extend itself to that point.

Leon folds his hands together, before grounding himself in his decision. He looks back up to Matthias―who for once isn’t all smiles, and instead looks at Leon with hopeful curiosity―before glancing at the clock.

“You’ve got fifteen minutes before class starts, and I need to know everything you can tell me about Erik Thomassen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are side pairings in this fic but none of them are especially relevant to the plot and tagging them would feel kind of cheap since they aren't a main focus, but suffice to say i'll specify them down here.
> 
> pairings that will make a significant appearance are denmark/sweden and seychelles/taiwan.  
> pairings that are mentioned and/or hinted at are mostly based around characters erik goes on dates with but doesn't end up together with. i'll call these close but no cigar pairings, and since i want most of them to be a surprise, i will avoid telling you all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leon talks to Erik in study hall. Erik is curious, but not thrilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leon's talks to Erik for the first time. For some reason, I don't think it's beneficial for a matchmaker to find their own client this attractive.

Erik Thomassen is, inexplicably, in two of Leon’s classes and his study hall. He’s managed to fly under Leon’s radar the entire year, though Leon isn’t sure  _ how, _ because the minute he sees Erik he is briefly infatuated.

He says  _ briefly _ because Leon wouldn’t dare think about any of his clients as actual prospects. He merely notices how attractive Erik is upon seeing him, and makes note of it and moves on, like any respectable matchmaker.

Erik is tall―or, taller than Leon, but nearly everyone is―with pale skin and blonde hair and dark blue eyes. He doesn’t at all look like someone who chronicles the failings of the American government or pays respects to roadkill he passes by, but there is something about his analytical gaze and quiet mannerisms that leave Leon a little curious. Leon approaches Erik during their study hall.

“Hey.” Leon takes a seat at the empty desk beside Erik, who sits quietly, copying notes from his AP Human Geography textbook into a spiral notebook. “I’m Leon.”

Erik bristles, glancing briefly at Leon. “Erik.” He says.

“Yeah, I know. Uh. So, your friend, Matthias―”

“― _ fucking _ Matthias.” Erik nearly hisses, slamming his book shut, before sighing and taking a calmer tone. He turns to Leon, really taking in his presence. “It’s always him, these days. Listen, whatever obscene amount of money he may have offered you, it is not for a service I need nor want.”

“Okay, I get that, but―” Leon says, cutting himself off prematurely. How is he going to save himself from this one. An unwilling client is terrible, an absolutely hopeless situation. “I’m not trying to give you answers to a test or anything―”

“―I wouldn’t need them.”

“Yeah, I felt like that’d be the case.” Leon says, “But anyway, I do a, uh, special service around here. I’m kind of, like, a matchmaker, y’know? You may have heard of me?”

Erik blinks. “A matchmaker.” He says, partially disbelieving and partially… amused? He speaks with a tone of indifference that Leon can’t quite decipher.

“Yeah. A matchmaker. Like, I help people get dates and such.” Leon says, before continuing, “Matthias offered me a, uh, indiscriminate amount of cash to set you up with someone.”

“You label yourself a matchmaker. Without a hint of irony?” Erik asks, and Leon thinks he might be imagining the smile on Erik's face.

“I mean,  _ labeled, _ this is actually the first time I’ve considered matchmaking in, like, a while, and I wouldn’t say I labeled myself a matchmaker without even a  _ hint  _ of irony, but you know. I take myself seriously, yeah.”

“Fascinating, tell me more.” Erik leans forward, and Leon has no idea if he’s being mocked or if Erik is genuinely curious. He decides to go the optimistic route.

“I mean, it’s kinda simple. I used to do a lot of matchmaking for, like, not a lot of money. You know, I set up Toris and Feliks about a year ago.” Leon explains.

“Toris and Feliks are a couple?” Erik says, seemingly shocked. Or, as shocked as a guy limited to three facial expressions maximum can be.

“I haven’t been keeping track of their relationship lately, but I’m, like, ninety percent sure they’re still together. Or, that sounds too confident. Seventy-five percent sure.” Leon explains.

Leon set Toris and Feliks up during his freshman year, when he had taken on little pet projects for no money and his only interest was getting two clearly compatible people to date each other. Of course, that sense of righteousness and romantic optimism remains, but it rakes in a lot more money, nowadays.

It was difficult to set up Toris and Feliks. It was long and tedious and at points Leon felt like they  _ wanted _ to be alone forever, but when Leon wasn’t frustrated at them, and subsequently himself, he couldn’t help but see how much they cared for each other and how desperately he wanted them to be together. Or at least make them understand how happy they’d make each other.

Thus was the start of an era, Leon explains to Erik, who nods and listens intently.

“Interesting.” Erik says, deadpan. Leon really can’t tell if he’s being honest, at this point. “Still, as much as this story’s entertained me, I’m uninterested.”

“Did my storytelling skills not win you over?” Leon says, as if he’s been scandalized by the mere  _ suggestion _ that Erik wasn’t swayed by his long-winded origin story. His expression calms and he shrugs. “Listen man, I can’t  _ make _ you wanna participate or anything. For matchmaking to work, all parties have to be involved, however,”

Leon’s had this talk with several strangers several times. Matchmaking is a three-way street, between the matchmaker and the couple they try to create. Communication and participation and enthusiasm and  _ blah, blah blah, _ all that other shit.

Usually, he tries to take the chat more seriously than that, but still. Leon suddenly remembers why he hasn’t worked as a matchmaker in a while.

He tries to explain all of this to Erik. He explains that there isn’t any harm in going on a few dates, and that the burden of setting everything up―a location and time that works for both parties, advice for topics of conversation, and a second person for the actual date―falls squarely on Leon. The only work Erik has to do is be willing to try something new every once in awhile.

“That’s… nice, and all, but I think I’ll pass.” Erik opens his textbook again, and Leon places his hand on Erik’s. Leon’s life and acting career has been leading up to this. He does his best pleading expression.

_ “Please, _ Erik. I am being paid an  _ absurd _ amount of money just to help you go on a couple dates. I’ll do anything. I just really, really want that money.”

Okay, maybe an elaborate lie would’ve been preferable to the truth, which is that Leon’s a sellout and two-hundred dollars, to a high school junior with no job and very little in the way of spare birthday money, is kind of huge.

Erik stares at Leon blankly. “Anything?”

“Anything.” Leon begins to think he might regret saying that. Still, Erik seems to mull it over for a moment.

“Hm. I’ll have to call in a favor from you later.” Erik says, finally, “Sure, go ahead as you please. I’ll be more than willing to be apart of your ‘matchmaking’ stint.”

“Don’t say matchmaking while holding up air quotes. It makes it sound like a fake career. I mean it is, but still.” Leon says, “It’s a fake career that’s garnered me a decent amount of money over the years.”

“Mmhm.” Erik says, glancing at his watch. Who still wears a watch? It’s the fucking twenty-first century. Who checks the time on a watch instead of their phone? “Study hall ends in five minutes. I imagine you should get back to your usual desk, now.” He says, calmly.

Leon kind of stops for a second, because he realizes that Erik is  _ really _ attractive. Almost unrealistically attractive. Leon knows a decent amount of blond, white guys, but still. Something about the way Erik carries himself is… kind of hot.

That’s an advantage, of course. If Erik manages to be this charming throughout whatever date Leon manages to set for him, it’s nearly guaranteed he’ll find a match. Probably. Hopefully.

Leon moves back to his usual desk in the front and starts outlining the plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned for next tuesday, where we meet someone new.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leon narrows it down and makes some phone calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lucille bonnefoy: monaco.  
> lars noël: the netherlands.  
> in this house we have fun with unlikely pairs.

With a reasonable amount of Facebook stalking and some questionable advice from Matthias, Leon manages to put together a list of people he thinks Erik might like to go out with. He does most of this sitting on his bed, scrolling through his laptop and making a list of variables and factors in a Word document. Whatever. It’s much more fun than working on his English homework.

He makes a couple logical leaps and guesses when it comes to the sort of personalities Erik likes and the kind of dates he’d probably go on. He narrows the candidates for Erik’s affections down to a few smart, quiet kids of different backgrounds. He takes a stab in the dark when it comes to asking them if they’d be interested in going on a date with Erik. Most of them are surprised to receive a call at all, and doubly so when they hear that Leon is matchmaking again.

Leon crosses out the names of people who outright weren’t interested, and leaves an asterisk next to the names of people who didn’t pick up. That leaves him with four names, which isn’t a huge pool, but it is notably larger than most antisocial high school senior’s dating pools.

(Leon is doing Erik a favor, honestly. He’d kill for just one legitimate romantic prospect, and now he’s giving Erik four. Sure, Leon has to push down that gross envious feeling in the pit of his stomach that demands he care more about himself than this practical stranger, but whatever.

He’s being a good person. He’s doing a good deed.)

Leon looks over the information he has.

Lucille Bonnefoy has tennis practice on Monday, but she’s intrigued enough to make time to meet Erik. Leon thinks she’s a good place to start, and based on their similar interests in literature according to Facebook, maybe they’d hit it off.

Kiku Honda has a clarinet recital on Tuesday, and a gymnast meet on Thursday, but he’s free on Wednesday and would welcome a distraction from his busy schedule. Leon makes note that while Kiku is generally awkward in any context―and especially in a date context―it’s sort of cute in a weird, tiny nerd kind of way, and Erik was a gymnast in the seventh grade. That could be a shared experience.

Lars Noël has no plans, and knows a little bit about Erik, considering they’re both seniors and they both take the same Health class, but he doesn’t know much. He tells Leon he’ll consider it, and usually Leon considers that a “yes in the making” but with Lars there’s really no way to tell. He cancels plans very liberally.

Matthew Williams is curious about the offer and comes equipped with  _ lots _ of freetime. He sends Leon a good luck message now that the matchmaking business is once again up and running. Leon tries not to think about how any one of the people he’s called will probably talk to one of their friends about how he’s matchmaking again, and suddenly this out of place temporary job may once again become his low-paid, minor occupation.

Leon adds them all to the document full of candidates, listing qualities of interest and silently mulling over who he thinks might have the best results. He wants to introduce Erik to most of them before setting up the actual dates. Blind dates never go well―they’re awkward and weird and Leon has limited experience with them, but his clients have told him that they’re awkward and weird, so.

Leon supposes that they could go to Lucille’s tennis practice a little early, and she and Erik could chat it up in the meantime. It’d be a good way to introduce his completely normal client with just a few, completely normal quirks. Then he could set up a date between them if things went well, maybe they’d hit it off really well and Leon would set them up on a few more dates before they made it official. He gets his two-hundred dollars from Matthias, and in the future, when Erik and Lucille are getting married, someone mentions Leon in their best man speech.

Okay, that’s a very idealized version of events that could definitely not happen, but whatever. You get the point.

Leon asks Lucille when a good time to meet would be, and then he realizes that it’s been about two hours of documenting and making phone calls and he still hasn’t done any of his homework.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> retcon.png.  
> chapter 3 really messed with the original flow of the story so i rewrote it to 1. keep u on ur toes. who knows what i'll do next. and 2. to make the story flow a little better, or at least u kno. have less expositon. leon and erik will definitely get to know eachother but in a different context, and i think this works better for the whole matchmaking theme.  
> i'll try to plan out chapters better from here on.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik calls Leon out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i missed the last few updates but i was very stressed due to school. i'll try to keep better track of it, also idk if ao3 would've notified you but please be sure to check out last chapter because i completely retconned it in favor of a better story flow, so if you want this chapter to make sense at all check out revamped chapter three.

On Friday, Leon tells Erik about his potential dates.

“So I wanted you to meet Lucille first, since she’s really nice and I _think_ your type? I don’t know, probably.” Leon begins immediately, quickly taking a seat next to Erik in study hall. “She’s got a tennis game on Monday next week, so I thought I’d introduce the two of you then.”

“Lucille Bonnefoy? Any relation to Francis?” Erik asks, eyebrow raised slightly.

“They’re cousins.” Leon says. Francis Bonnefoy is a senior at their school, and an insufferably smug member of the cooking club. He occupies a weird, paradoxical space where Leon finds him both devastatingly attractive and devastatingly unattractive at the same time. Typically, Leon would go on a weird tangent trying to explain that, but even he has a hard time truly understanding it.

“What grade is she in?” Erik asks.

“She’s a junior, like me.” Leon replies, “She’s in honors classes and a couple AP courses. I don’t know if you have any classes with her, though.”

“Maybe. I don’t really notice other people in my classes. Unless they accost me with matchmaking offers, I suppose.” Erik jokes, adding, “Lucille sounds nice, based on the incredibly vague description you gave of her.”

“Thanks. I tried to exemplify her best qualities that I only have, like, the barest idea of.” Leon replies, smile on his face, “I know Lucille, but we’re not best friends are anything. She’s smart and nice, and you’d like her, I think. She seems like your type.”

“Is my type quote, ‘smart and nice,’ unquote?” Erik says, fingers steepled. “Because, again, very broad. Also, how would you know that was my type? We don’t know each other too well.”

“Well, you know. I looked you up. You might’ve noticed the requests I sent you on Facebook, and Instagram, and Twitter, and basically every social media site that came up when I Googled you.” Leon explains. It was a long and tedious process. “Why do you have everything on private, anyway?”

“Why don’t you? I don’t want strangers seeing my vast body of work.” Erik says.

“Your ‘vast body of work’ is composed of, like, seven tweets and an Instagram picture of a trashcan.” Leon replies, harkening back to scrolling down Erik’s social media and finding an unsurprisingly barren landscape. Somehow, he wasn’t really shocked to see that taxidermy boy wasn’t keeping up with the newest trends.

“Yes. Your point?”

Leon shuts his eyes for a moment, thinking back to the beginning of this conversation. Banter with Erik seems to get off track, somehow. “My point was, I did a little bit of research on you, and that’s how I came up with the list. I even have a little chart on my phone.” Leon reaches into his pocket, retrieving his phone and inputting his passcode, showing Erik a note made detailing different people who Leon was considering as prospects for him. “See? It’s a very complex process.”

“I see.” Erik says, “How long did this take you to make?”

“Like, half an hour, but still. A lot of effort was put into that thirty minutes.” Leon says.

“Well, that’s interesting.” There’s a brief moment of silence, and Erik leans to the side to pull a three-ring binder out of his bookbag. “I did some research on you, too.”

That’s. A whole binder. A very full one, at that.

“This took about three hours, I printed a lot of screenshots and wrote down a lot of testimonials. By the way, your website from last year might’ve been hidden, but I found it.” Erik says. “You had a tweet linking to it deep in your history. By the way, what monster composes five tweets a day? You’re going to run out of material, eventually.” He continues, seemingly indifferent to Leon’s growing embarrassment. God, he found the _website._

The website is sort of badly designed and very self aggrandizing, and Leon made it within the span of forty-five minutes last year. To be honest, if Leon were to make another website now he might just fill it with weed and 69 jokes, but at the time he took himself and his fifteen minutes of matchmaking fame very seriously. “Did you get the testimonials from the website itself?” He manages over his shock.

“I did, in fact, but I also gathered some information from other recipients of your… services.” Erik opens the binder.

“Don’t pause before saying services like that. It sounds like I’m selling drugs or sex or something.” Leon says, and he swears that the corner of Erik’s lip twitches for just a second. “Also, you know people? Because I just kind of, like, made the assumption that you didn’t know anyone and therefore I resorted to gathering phone numbers from the last time I matchmade.”

“ I don’t know a wide range of people, but I do know Matthias and I can guilt him into introducing me to people, so essentially the same thing. He really is worked up over that argument, which is funny because I’m completely over it. Anyway,” Erik looks over the sheet of paper in front of him.

“Anyway.” Leon says. He is petrified, caught in a whirlwind of his overconfidence and his embarrassment over that goddamn website, but he thinks he’s hiding it pretty well.

“You’re sweating, but also, most of the testimonials are fairly positive.” Erik says, “Some couples aren’t together anymore, a notable example being Lovino Vargas and Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo―”

Leon doesn’t need to be reminded of his sweat, and he _definitely_  doesn’t need to be reminded of Lovino and Antonio, or the five different dates he set up for them at completely different times. He still has a theory that they’re the source for most of his migraines over the years.

“―but overall, even those who aren’t together anymore comment positively on their time in those relationships. I’d say you have a pretty positive track record. Or I would say that, until I realized that it was entirely _too_ positive. Suspiciously so.”

Shit. Fuck. Hell. Penis. Leon is just reciting random swear words in his head at this point. “Well, what’d you find?” He is talking through his teeth. He thinks he might die. God, he should have written his will. He’ll leave the matchmaking service to Yong Soo so that when it inevitably goes to shit, Leon’s memory isn’t tainted. He’ll leave all of his funds to Mei and also a letter telling her to go the fuck to school.

“So I asked around. Has Leon ever made a gross misdirection in his matchmaking service? Typically, the answer was no. I was distraught. All of my negativity and yet no fruit was born from it. That is until I realized that, of all people, I had yet to consult my little brother.” Erik says, and Leon scans his memories for a brother. Someone, anyone, and―

_Fuck._

“Out of curiosity, who’s your brother?” Leon asks. Please no. Please no. Please no.

“Emil. You may know him. He’s a junior, like you.”

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will this fic ever have a chapter where erik isn't ridiculous and overdramatic while at the same time very underwhelmed? i doubt it. also heads up, and you won't realize it until later, this chapter is loaded with foreshadowing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> missed opportunities, and emil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's kinda short bc i had school and also went trick or treating rip.

(to understand the state of business affairs now, we must look at the managing mistakes of the past.)

From ninth to tenth grade, Leon pines over Emil Thomassen. It goes about as well as one would expect it to.

It is unrequited, of course. Leon can’t imagine a reality in which Emil would like him. Perhaps in some distant universe, where Leon is cooler and hotter and can talk to people about romance without getting lost in the semantics of who would be good together and who wouldn’t.

Leon is Emil’s best friend, though, and Leon would do nothing to ruin their friendship. And besides! Emil doesn’t even like guys, as far as Leon knows. And, and! Emil is too focused on school to care about dating at all. Leon wouldn’t want to become a distraction at all.

(And in hindsight, it all sounds like excuses. It sounds like Leon’s heart racing and his brain reasoning and trying to find some reason,  _ any reason, _ not to like Emil anymore. To retreat back into the safe and familiar friendship Leon is so comfortable with.

But sometimes Emil is just so beautiful and so smart and Leon can’t help but like him. Who would blame him? Leon could say it was impossible  _ not _ to like Emil, who is tall and blonde and just a  _ little  _ older and therefore just Leon’s type, and he does mean just a little older. Their birthdays are two weeks apart.)

Emil’s room, as an extension of Emil and his habits, is therefore perfect. Leon spends loads of time there, marveling over how it’s always clean and even at its messiest it isn’t  _ that _ messy. Leon likes the blue walls and the carpeted floor and the most-improved reader trophies on Emil’s nightstand.

“Leon.” Emil says. They’re playing video games at his house, and Leon has been going on and on about the newest couple he’d set up. Leon doesn’t really hear him until he pauses their MarioKart game. “Leon, you set up who?”

“Gilbert and Erzsébet. They’re great together, and you know it’s true because I set them up.” Leon smiles, the satisfaction on his face near tangible. “And I earned, like, the easiest thirty-dollars of my life.”

“You should heighten that price.” Emil says, “I feel like people would pay more if you just asked for it.”

Emil always believed Leon could do better than he was doing now. He could up his prices and he could start making posters and the most recent suggestion, make a website.

“More than thirty dollars for a date? That’s just desperate.” Leon says. Oh, what a fool he’d been. “Anyway, I like matchmaking. It’s fun, and the money doesn’t really matter to me.”

“Really?” Emil raises an eyebrow.

“Okay, the money matters a little, but it’s mostly the satisfaction of the work. I’m a humanitarian, Emil.” Leon says, and he smiles. He’s always smiling around Emil. He rarely has reason not to.

“You keep saying that, I don’t think you really know the definition of humanitarian.” Emil says, and he stops for a second. He says the next words carefully, “Do you think you could, I don’t know… find a date for me?”

One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. It sinks in. Leon stops smiling. “What?”

“It’s dumb, forget it.” Emil says, and Leon supposes he could go on pretending not to hear, but he has dozens of excuses why he hasn’t pursued Emil and what’s one more?

“You want me to set you up with someone?” Leon asks, and it sort of hurts to say but he doesn’t let it reflect in his voice. “I mean, I definitely could. On the house. Call it the best friend discount.”

“The best friend discount.” Emil repeats. “I just. I don’t know, you don’t have to do it for free. I just think it might be nice to actually try, you know, dating someone.” Emil looks at Leon with a face he couldn’t refuse if he tried. Leon wants to kiss him, really, but he would never. He could never be good enough. “And you’re really good at what you do.” Emil’s fingertips meet Leon’s. This is torture. God is punishing Leon for something. Oh, cruel world.

“Well, I try.” Leon manages, and there is a long moment―

(and future Leon is shouting yelling screaming  _ kiss him _ but past Leon would never and how could he have not realized―)

and Leon clears his throat. “So, what girls are you interested in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these flashbacks will be appearing intermittently, because i feel like having several chapters of flashback will get grating really quickly. rest assured, you'll figure out leon's mistakes eventually.
> 
> next chapter: leon gets embarrassed of his past mistakes, erik doesn't actually care that much.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> leon and erik have banter. a new challenger arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> early update today because i was productive yesterday.  
> we timeskipped erik calling leon out because i feel like the flashback chapter adequately explained what u needed to know lmao.

“I find it funny that you didn’t realize he was gay. Didn’t he like―” Erik has been talking for what seems like forever, walking Leon through his biggest matchmaking misstep.

“I know,  _ I know, _ shut up.” Leon says, head in his hands, both embarrassed and exasperated. “Listen, it was an honest mistake. It’s not like I―you know―I didn’t mean to do that at all. It was just. A hard time for me and him.”

“In more ways than one.”

“Ew. Don’t make boner jokes about me and your brother.” Leon makes a face.

“You didn’t even know he was my brother until ten minutes ago, which shocks me, personally. How could you not see the family resemblance?” Erik says, and Leon feels like he’s trying to sound incredulous. It sounds very flat despite the intention, but Leon appreciates the humor at the very least.

He’s right, though. Leon really should have seen it, and he can’t unsee it now that it’s been pointed out to him. Erik is a little taller and scrawnier, and his hair is more blond and his eyes are more blue, but he’s very clearly Emil’s brother. And they have the same last name. That really should’ve been a giveaway.

“There aren’t that many Thomassens at this school, huh?” Leon tries to joke, but he kind of chokes on his laughter and he doesn’t mean to. It isn’t a huge deal, it’s been so long and Leon really should’ve gotten over it, but when he thinks about that time and it isn’t even  _ just _ a matchmaking mishap. It’s the biggest missed opportunity of the century.

“Just Emil and I.” Erik replies, “You know, it’s not a huge deal. I’ll still hang around for your services―”

“Stop calling it that. Again, it makes it sound shady.” Leon cuts in.

“That was the point.” Erik smirks, just a little.

It’s really only a second, not even. It’s a millisecond of a thought. A fraction of time where Leon thinks  _ he’s really attractive, _ and he promptly swats the thought away like a buzzing fly. He is not going to pine over  _ another _ client, and he’s most certainly not going to pine over Emil’s brother, of all people. The point still stands, though. Erik is… kind of cute, for a weird reject who does taxidermy. Leon really can’t get over that. Really?  _ Taxidermy? _

“So. Uh. Matchmaking.” Leon clears his throat, returning to the task at hand. “Do you have any reservations, people you absolutely won’t go on dates with, that sort of thing?”

Erik thinks on that for a moment, “I don’t think I’d go on dates with any freshmen.” He says.

Leon nods. “Oh, yeah. Definitely not. I always thought it was kind of… I dunno, weird, when seniors date, like, whole-ass freshmen.”

“Yeah, it’s awkward.” Erik agrees, “Though what would be the opposite of that? Dating a half-ass freshman?”

Leon laughs, “I mean, the complete opposite would be dating a whole-ass senior.”

See, this is fun. Chatting with a client, talking about dates. Leon continues, “Okay, so the dates I’ll set you up on will probably all be in free locations. You know, parks and hiking trips and stuff, not that anyone actually likes hiking trips, but date-wise it’s not bad. You get to talk a lot, and the walking is calming. Or so I’ve heard.” Leon tacks on the last sentence. Most of his dating knowledge comes from his clients, if he’s being honest.

“All right, I’ll set up hiking gear should such a situation arise.” Erik says, “You put a lot more effort into this than I would’ve expected.”

“I mean, yeah. I’m good at what I do.” Leon says, and before he can add a sarcastic comment, the bell rings and signals the end of the period. “Oh. Well. See you, I guess.” He says, and he can’t help but wonder where the time went.

“See you.” Erik returns, getting his bookbag on before taking his leave.

* * *

 

The rest of the school day just sort of flies by. Leon copies his Trigonometry work from his friend, Natalya. He makes plans with her to hang out over the weekend, too. Aside from that, and Leon’s chat with Erik, the rest of the school day is pretty uneventful.

When he gets home, he stops by the kitchen to get a snack. He’s greeted by his sister.

Mei is everything she could be and nothing at all like Leon pictured she’d be at this age. One of the few people shorter than Leon, Mei seems to be taking the approach of wrapping herself up in three comforters to give off the appearance of a much larger human. It’s a lot like how cats will make their fur stand on end when faced with a predator, except Mei is only doing this because she’s in a constant thermal crisis.

Dark circles make themselves apparent underneath her brown eyes, and Leon wonders how long she could have possibly stayed up last night. Her long, dark hair is pulled back into a ponytail, presumably to be out of her face when she screams at strangers over the ethics of spending eighteen hours playing Starcraft.

“Hey.” Mei says, and Leon glances down to see the plate of pizza rolls and the can of  _ Mountain Dew: Code Red _ on the counter. “How was school?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> leon talks to his sister and leon talks about his sister. and about emil's brother. and natalya's brother, kind of, sort of. it's a very sibling-centered chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hNNG i tried posting this at my local library which blocks this website,,, but i found a way around it unfortunately it also posted this chapter 3 separate times. thanks @cone_of_depression 4 letting me know, sorry that fixing this issue inadvertently deleted ur comment.

“School was fine.” Leon says, and Mei nods.

“Good. That’s good. You know, school is good.” She says, and Leon can feel the discomfort wafting off of her. “Um. Do you want some?” She holds out the plate of pizza rolls. Leon shakes his head.

“I’ll make my own, thanks.” He says, and Mei leans forward narrows her eyes at him for a long moment. Leon focuses on the dark, sunken circles beneath them. If he were to make a rough estimate, he’d say she was running on at least fourteen hours of uninterrupted consciousness.

The long moment becomes an even longer moment and Leon considers just walking off and letting his sister be odd all by herself, but then she speaks, “You seem different? Are you talking to someone right now, like, flirtatiously? I need to know.” Mei says, “I live vicariously through you in many ways.”

Leon takes a step back, eyes widening. “Okay, one, we haven’t talked in, like, two weeks and that’s what you open with? And two, no, I haven’t talked to anyone ‘flirtatiously’ in months, at the very _least.”_ It is a statement said with as much self-deprivation as blind confidence.

“Hm. That doesn’t add up.” Mei says. “When you like someone you get this glow about you, like a skin care model or something. Not to say you don’t have good skin naturally, but you know, for a teenage boy in eleventh grade it’s kind of impressive.”

“Well I don’t like anyone right now, not that I’d tell you if I did.” Does Leon glow when he likes someone? That sounds dumb. He glows when a lot of things happen―positive test grades and particularly nice compliments and alcohol are notable catalysts―but liking someone has never been one of those things, to his knowledge, and what does Mei know? She’s probably stretching the truth. She used to have a lying streak as a child, you know. She also used to wet the bed, but that’s an embarrassing childhood secret for another time.

“You’d tell me if you did. I’m your sister. That’s the third clause of siblinghood, telling each other secrets so that, if we turned against each other in the future, we have an equal amount of blackmail material.” Mei says.

“You don’t know that much about me.” Leon says.

“I could ruin you with one goddamn word. I have my finger on the trigger constantly.” Mei says, deadpan, and for a moment everything between them sibling-wise seems blissfully _normal._ Of course, it’s at that point that Mei looks down at her Mountain Dew and rapidly cooling pizza rolls and says, “I should go. I’m going into another comp match in a minute and I just wanted to refuel before that.”

“Okay.” Leon says, and off she goes.

* * *

 The deal with Mei is that she isn’t in school anymore. At least, she doesn’t go to Leon’s school. Mei is a high school senior who takes online education courses.

It was a mix of things, really―the stress of public school, the pressure to have an active social life, the development of a huge inferiority complex. The point stands, Mei doesn’t go to Leon’s school anymore. She’s been taking online courses since the tenth grade.

Nowadays, she rarely leaves her room unless she needs sustenance, or if their parents call her down to discuss her plans for college or whatever it is they want to talk to her about these days. She and Leon have sort of grown apart, and it sucks. Leon hates it.

Well, they haven’t _grown apart_ so much as their time has been occupied by other things. Leon is focusing on school and, due to the current situation, matchmaking, and Mei has college applications to fill out and Overwatch games to win, so they just don’t talk at much. Still, Leon thinks it’d just be so much easier if Mei would go to school with him. He explains this to Natalya when she comes over.

“I mean, you wouldn’t exactly be closer.” Natalya responds. They are sitting at Leon’s kitchen table, working on homework and listening to Leon’s study playlist in the background, which is really just a collection of Sia and Carly Rae Jepsen songs. “My brother goes to our school and I barely ever talk to him.”

“I mean, your brother’s terrifying, so that makes sense.” Leon says. “I don’t trust anyone over… how tall are you?” He asks, and Natalya doesn’t waste a second.

“Five-six.” She says.

“Five-six? Really?” Leon is almost shocked. Natalya? Three inches taller than him? This is blasphemy, truly. “Whatever. I don’t trust people taller than that.”

“Emil is taller than me, but whatever, back to the sibling thing.” Natalya says, “Ivan’s a little weird sometimes, but it’s not even that. It’s kind of just that siblings grow apart sometimes. It doesn’t matter if they go to your school or leave their room or not.” She says.

“I mean, it’d help if she left the room, I think.” Leon says, and he tries to focus on the English questions in front of him. “Are you seeing anyone, right now?” He asks.

“No.” Natalya says, “My sister says I’m ‘too intimidating,’ which makes sense, I guess.”

“You aren’t that intimidating.” Leon says. Natalya raises an eyebrow, and he adds, “Okay, you’re a little intimidating, but not, like, scary or anything.”

“Thanks, Leon. Glad to know I don’t terrify you at all.” She’s sarcastic, clearly, but she smiles slightly anyway. “So, how’re things going with Erik?”

“Well, he’s cute, and he’s not bad at conversation, so I don’t think it’s gonna be hard to set him up with someone.” Leon draws a stick figure in the corner of the Chemistry worksheet. His eyebrows furrow for a moment, a small frown coming in with one thought, “Did you know he was Emil’s brother.”

Natalya doesn’t waste a second, “Yes.” She says, “Did you not?”

“No! How would I know that?”

“Because they look alike, live in the same home, and you knew Emil since freshman year, so I imagine you would’ve seen his brother at least once.” She shrugs, leaning back in her chair. If there were a coffee table in front of her, Leon imagines she would prop her feet on it. Natalya is kind of a walking power move. “I met Erik last year and he was cool, I guess. I don’t know how you wouldn’t know he and Emil are brothers.”

“Because they’re nothing alike? I mean, they look alike, I guess, but personality-wise they’re different.” Leon says.

“See, that’s your problem, you see personality. My eyes, which register physical appearance, are in working order and understand the concept of sibling resemblance.” Natalya says, “And  you were over his house all the time, how did you not realize that Erik was his brother?”

“I don’t know! I mean, I knew Emil _had_ a brother, I just didn’t know it was Erik. I never really saw the guy, and I thought Emil’s brother was, like, taller. And he wore glasses.”

Natalya sits up straight with realization, “You thought Berwald was his brother, dipshit.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> natalya and leon go way back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, you know, i didn't warn y'all that i'm terrible with deadlines, but i am terrible with deadlines. i had a lot of life stuff going on.

(we must assess how business associates were attained,)

In the fourth grade, Leon leaves a letter professing a crush in the cubby of Natalya Arlovskaya. During recess, she pushes him into the sandbox and tells him that she’d rather be friends. Since then, they’ve been inseparable.

Natalya is strong, maybe the strongest person Leon knows. Never willing to put up with harassment of herself or her friends, never relenting when she truly wants something. She’s a force to be reckoned with, a hurricane of a person.

Natalya is also intimidatingly pretty. Sharp eyes and sharper edges, with long blonde hair and a zero-tolerance policy for shit-talking. Really, she’s the only fourth grader who says  _ shit-talking _ and, reportedly, she’s said the f-word before. She’s truly revolutionary.

She’s a better friend than she is a crush, in all honesty. Natalya cares for Leon in a way not many others do, and in turn Leon tries to be there for her whenever he can. He always invites her to his birthday parties, and he corrects others when they call her  _ weird _ or  _ mean. _

Natalya  _ is _ mean, at least at first. She’s lonesome, and fourth-grade Leon read somewhere that cats often protect their territory by being hostile, so he equates her to a cat. Her territory is lots of places―the metal slide on the playground, her cubby, anywhere her―considerably few―friends might want to be at the moment.

In the fifth grade, Natalya and Leon partner on the science fair project. They fight on it a lot―Natalya wants to do something related to bugs and Leon wants to do anything else―but eventually they settle on observing the activity of ants. Natalya does all the physical work, Leon does all the research that doesn’t involve touching insects. They win first place.

In the sixth grade, Leon can barely handle the transition from elementary to middle school, and he has a sort of emotional breakdown in the boy’s bathroom. Natalya comes in and encourages him to calm down, despite her being a girl and therefore not allowed in there. And she hates physically hugging people―but she gives Leon a long hug to help him calm down.

In the seventh grade, Leon fakes an emergency to get Natalya out of after-school detention. She says, “Careful, Leon. Keep doing shit like that and you’ll get detention.” And Leon says there’s no where he’d rather be than hanging out with her.

In the eighth grade, Leon meets Emil Thomassen, and he is enamored. Natalya snickers when he tells her this, painting his nails with clear polish. “You certainly have a type, don’t you?” She says, and Leon realizes that his crushes have both been blonde Europeans. He and Natalya laugh about this until their sides hurt.

In the ninth grade, Natalya dates Gilbert Beilschmidt for a while before gloriously dumping him, and subsequently develops a soft spot for Erzsébet Hedervary. She comes out to Leon as bi. They talk about boys and girls together, after that. Natalya is always more subdued when it comes to talking about who she likes, but Leon is animated and excited when speaking of Emil. She smiles when he talks.

In the tenth grade, Leon sets up Erzsébet and Gilbert, and he consults Natalya during the process. “I’m fine, Leon.” She says, but it still feels weird, setting her ex up with someone she used to like, even despite the clear chemistry. Leon presses her about it and she insists, “I’m  _ fine, _ Leon.” And so he sets them up.

(Also, in the tenth grade, Leon faces the biggest rejection and makes the biggest mistakes of his life, and he feels empty and weird and like he’ll never really get to date anyone, but Natalya takes him for ice cream and insists that he’ll get over the loss of Emil’s romantic interest. They’ll still be friends, after all.)

In the eleventh grade, Leon is matchmaking again, and Natalya is there with him when he talks about Erik and his weird habits and his dating prospects. She seems uninvolved, but she listens to every word.

(She worries about another Emil situation.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: i'm not really sure.


End file.
